One of the weirdest developments in videogames history was the moment when Mario and Sonic finally crossed paths. Multiple generations after one of the most intense console wars in history, these monolithic mascots settled the score with… the Olympics?
Sonic would show up in Smash Bros. soon after, but Mario & Sonic at the Olympics became a series of its own, which led to some… awkwardness when the world was suddenly dealing with a pandemic.
The 2020 Olympics were postponed, making years of preparation for the event’s move to Japan moot. Mario, Goku and Captain Tsubasa were gonna be the raddest Olympics mascots of all time, but unfortunately we don’t know what’s gonna happen.
But what did happen, is the Mario & Sonic series’ next entry still released, celebrating an Olympics that doesn’t exist in reality.
For now, the 2020 Tokyo Olympics are scheduled to run in July 2021. But the politics of sticking to that date are uncertain, so who knows what’ll happen next. If things don’t work out, billions of dollars will go poof, and Mario and Sonic won’t have a competition to attend.
So what are they gonna do with all that repressed aggression from years of turmoil? Clearly it hasn’t been worked all the way out yet. They act like they’re friends now, but we all know that’s just PR.
That’s where we come in. The Prima Games crew is celebrating MAR10 with some fun collab features, and we’ve already covered a few reasonable topics. Now it’s time to get stupid, and you know ya boy can get stupid.
So if the Olympics end up taking another year off, what can Mario & Sonic do? The show must go on, after all. Here are a few ideas rattling around in our damaged gamer brains.
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Morgan: My first thought is that Mario and Sonic should compete in a Tetris tournament like the Classic Tetris World Championships which was able to be hosted remotely last year.
I mean, they put Sonic in Puyo Puyo Tetris 2, and they recently had a Bowser’s Fury style theme for Tetris 99 come out. Make a Mario/Sonic Tetris game, let all of these iconic properties cross paths and see what happens, you know?
Setting that aside, a slightly nerdier answer could be a trivia competition related to both gaming and sports as a tie-in to the Olympics. Maybe even something in the style of Jeopardy. Could you imagine Sonic and Mario on Jeopardy? Maybe with guest characters joining them like Kirby? It’d be adorable!
It also sounds like it could be a lot of fun… at least to me. I’d buy it.
Related: Classic Tetris World Championship Ends In Brother Versus Brother Showdown
Jesse: Mario & Sonic compete in a food eating competition. We all know Sonic loves chili dogs and every year Nathan’s hosts a hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. As a New York native and Brooklyn resident, I believe it is my duty to throw a hot dog eating contest into the ring for consideration.
Now hear me out, you might think Sonic has a clear advantage in this situation. After all, he loves chili dogs, and he’s faster than god. However, competitive eating isn’t just about speed, it’s about perseverance. Mario has gone through some wild shit in his life and no one knows more about perseverance than him.
Every time he thinks he’s found Peach, Mario is simply told “your princess is in another castle.” He never complains or gives up, he keeps pushing forward.
That’s why a hot dog eating competition between the two would be an amazing thing to see.
Lucas: So, since the topic is “post-COVID,” and I make the rules, I’m going to assume Sonic and Mario got their vaccines. Meaning it’s safe to assume that while the CDC guidelines may prevent all Sonic and Mario’s friends from joining in the fun, that doesn’t mean responsible, one on one competition can’t involve contact.
So clearly, that means the best course of action would be a Mixed Martial Arts bout, safely confined in a traditional octagonal enclosure. That way the skeleton crew producing the live feed can safely record, and the sponsorships on the mat will still reach the fans unable to sit in the arena.
Considering the access to rings and 1-Up Mushrooms, Sonic and Mario are probably easily capable of going for multiple rounds, so that even cuts costs since you wouldn’t need a substantive mid-card.
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MMA events do require a lot of overhead though, even without as much of a crowd or fanfare. Both competitors would need to submit drug tests, which means no Super Mushrooms for Super Mario. PED use definitely needs to be taken seriously in a fight between heroes with unnatural abilities.
You probably also have to take additional legal and medical precautions since things like weight classes can’t be a factor here. You also need a referee willing to get in there against better judgment, especially since there’s a non-zero chance the fight could be subject to a terrorist attack from Bowser and/or Dr. Eggman. There’s a lot of stuff to consider, but at the end of the day it would still probably less expensive than a whole Olympics.
Well that happened. Look, sometimes you need some room in your heart for gallows humor. Anyway, wear your damn masks and play video games inside for a few more months, then maybe we won’t have to worry about Sonic the Hedgehog getting signed to an exclusive deal with UFC.
Anyway, I hope anyone who read (or contributed) had as much fun today as I did. I personally had a great time! If you enjoyed our MAR10 day content, hit us up! Prima Games has Twitter and Facebook, so, check ’em out. Also, now’s the best time to get any Nintendo games you’ve missed for like, a few cents off. I’m off to go do anything else.
