I already know what you’re thinking. But humans eat Pokémon in the Pokémon universe, just like we eat animals like cows and pigs. It’s normal behavior. So what’s the big deal? You’re telling me you wouldn’t take a massive bite out of Fidough if you could? I don’t believe you.
With the holiday season upon us and discussions about what meat my family is considering cooking for Christmas, it got me thinking… Which Scarlet and Violet Pokémon would make a banging Christmas dinner? And then I came up with a list in my head that has me salivating just writing this. Call me a monster all you want, but I bet you $10 that you’d be carving up a fat Lechonk on the day if you lived in the Paldea region.
(Also, before PETA comes storming down on my ass, my colleague Jesse Vitelli has offered to take all the heat for this article and extends an invitation to meet him in Denny’s parking lot for a 1v1. His words, not mine).
Pokémon I’d Eat For Christmas Dinner
I’m gonna divide this into a list of courses because why not. You can’t expect me to eat just the meat and that’s it; what about side dishes? The dessert? When we cook in this household, we go all out. That’s what the holidays are for; I’ll worry about my figure in 2023.
Appetizer – Scovillain and Smoliv Salad
(Credit: Pixabay / The Pokémon Company / Game Freak)
For the appetizer, the obvious choice is Smoliv. I mean, olives are a popular starter, so it’s a natural fit. But let’s take it a step further, add some peppers, and make it a salad. Which Gen 9 Pokémon looks like a pepper? Oh, right, Scovillain.
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Once we’ve sliced the Scovillain, we’ll throw them into a bowl with the Smoliv alongside some lettuce, onions, and a creamy dressing. A delightful way to prepare your stomach for the main course.
Main Course – Roast Lechonk with Nacli Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
(Credit: Pixabay / Canva / The Pokémon Company / Game Freak)
Lechonk makes the perfect meat for a Christmas dinner, especially if you like ham. Imagining the smell of it cooking is literally making me drown in a pool of my own saliva. Not to mention you can use its juices to make the gravy once it’s out of the oven.
Then, you can’t forget about the sides. Mashed potatoes are a staple to the holiday meal, and what better ‘mon to season them with than Nacli, Pokémon Scarlet and Violet’s salt Pokémon? Add some vegetables like carrots and broccoli to your plate too because fiber is important.
Alternative Main Course – Klawf Legs with Nacli Butter
(Credit: Pixabay / Canva / The Pokémon Company / Game Freak)
If you’re pescatarian or simply would prefer seafood, Klawf legs are a delicious option. Don’t forget to season them with butter made from Nacli salt to add a hint of creaminess to the flavor too.
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As for sides, again, mashed potatoes with more Nacli salt is a solid option. Or you could add more seafood and throw some Tatsugiri sushi on your plate because some people don’t like to stick to traditions, which is fine. You do you.
Dessert – Fidough Cinnamon Buns
(Credit: Pixabay / The Pokémon Company / Game Freak)
Finally, we’re going for another obvious choice for dessert: Fidough. The adorable cinnamon roll Pokémon makes the perfect thing to munch down on after filling your belly with all that Lechonk meat; its buns are light, airy, and just the right amount of sweetness to compliment the saltiness of the previous course. Bonus points if you bake them in the oven first for that delectable golden crust. And make sure to sprinkle some sugar.
Happy holidays, folks!
