Remember that meme of the man who texted a selfie captioned “I lived b**ch” to his stepdaughter from his hospital bed after undergoing surgery? That’s how I feel. I’m kidding, I’m not comparing surgery to eating some sandwiches, but I genuinely wasn’t sure if I’d make it through this experience without getting sick. It was gross.
If you didn’t already figure out the hell I willingly put myself through from the headline, I decided to recreate four cursed sandwiches made in Pokémon Scarlet and Violet in real life. And when I tell you they were cursed, I’m not joking. I feel nauseated just writing this.
But anything for the content, am I right? Don’t say Prima Games doesn’t love you because I suffered solely for your entertainment. You’re welcome.
“It’s Just a Sandwich. How Bad Can it Be?” You Ask…
If you’ve played Pokémon Scarlet and Violet, you’ll know all about the picnicking feature (if you don’t, check out our How to Make Custom Sandwiches guide) and have probably tried it out for yourself. You’ll understand, then, that there are some weird ingredients in the game, and when paired with the customize option, it can result in some pretty nasty sandwiches that you definitely would not attempt to recreate in real life.
Unless you’re me. Hi. I’m the weirdo who thought, “hey, why not actually make these abominations and try them?” because I like punishing myself, apparently.
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So I went to every food shop in the Paldea region and bought several of each ingredient before going on a picnic and seeing what horrors I could come up with. I then went to Walmart and picked up the groceries needed to bring my cursed creations to life. I even put sandwich picks in them, as if that would somehow make them taste better (spoiler: it didn’t).
Sandwich #1: Stomachache Power Level 2
(Credit: The Pokémon Company / Game Freak / Twitter: @triforcemeg)
Ingredients:
- Jam
- Chili sauce
- Pepper
- Lettuce
- Tomato
- Apple
- Prosciutto
- Noodles
This sandwich did not give me hope for any of the upcoming creations. If anything, it terrified me. I had convinced myself that the chili sauce and jam condiment combo might not be so bad because people eat chili jam, right? Wrong. So wrong.
The chili sauce flavor was overpowering, and I’m not too fond of the texture of tomato, so it was a match made in hell for me. I admit I had to spit this one out almost immediately.
Rating: 2/5
Sandwich #2: Surprisingly OK
(Credit: The Pokémon Company / Game Freak / Twitter: @triforcemeg)
Ingredients:
- Whipped cream
- Ketchup
- Onion
- Cheese
- Ham
- Potato salad
- Pineapple
Simply preparing this sandwich nauseated me, purely for the whipped cream and ketchup combination. I also hate potato salad. So imagine my surprise when I took a bite of this and actually kind of liked it… I didn’t love it, but it also didn’t taste god-awful, so that’s a win in my books.
Related: How Pokémon Scarlet & Violet Pays Homage to Twitch’s Simp Era
I’m firmly in the “pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza” camp, though apparently, I might be in the “ketchup, whipped cream, onion, and potato salad” camp. The sweetness of the pineapple and the whipped cream cut through the most, so I think that’s what made it bearable. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to become my new lunch staple, but it wasn’t bad.
Rating: 3/5
Sandwich #3: Nausea Power Level 3
(Credit: The Pokémon Company / Game Freak / Twitter: @triforcemeg)
Ingredients:
- Cream cheese
- Mayonnaise
- Banana
- Strawberry
- Egg
- Sausage
- Basil
OK, when I tell you this thing was completely and utterly vile, I mean it. Seriously, I wouldn’t give this sandwich to my worst enemy. It was a true abomination. Though you could probably guess that from the cursed ingredients list and wonder why I put myself through this. I don’t know, either.
I didn’t actually mind the fruit; it was the sausage, mayo, and cream cheese that made me want to chuck up all over my kitchen. You’d think the strawberry and banana with egg would be what did it, but no. If I go to hell when I die, they’ll surely feed me these to ensure I suffer painfully for eternity. Truly awful.
Rating: 1/5
Sandwich #4: Actually Delicious
(Credit: The Pokémon Company / Game Freak / Twitter: @triforcemeg)
Ingredients:
- Lettuce
- Tomato
- Bacon
- Egg
- Cucumber
- Ham
- Hamburgers
- Fried fillet
Rating: 4/5
My colleague Jesse and his friends created this last sandwich during a session of Pokémon Scarlet and Violet co-op (hence the large baguette), and I thought it was so glorious that I had to recreate it. Though sadly, Walmart was out of baguettes, so I had to use a regular roll and condense it down. I’m still sad about it.
Related: Pour One Out For the Pokémon Rejects Stuck in Scarlet & Violet Surprise Trade Purgatory
Looking at the ingredients list, it’s hardly surprising that this one was the best of the lot. I mean, bacon and a fried chicken fillet? Count me in. Not to mention the hamburger tower – utterly superb. While I couldn’t recreate their beautiful creation one-for-one, I think I still did it justice, and it was a nice treat after what I’d suffered through.
